Closure : the act of closing; a bringing to an end; conclusion; a sense of psychological certainty or completeness...
I had been struggling over the past few months to deal with this simple yet emotionally encrypted word. How many of us fully understand the meaning of this word? How many of us have ever experienced this sense of psychological certainty? And why do we want closure anyway?
Being the overly emotional woman I am who always wears a brave face and as some of my friends would say “divalish” I have struggled with this phenomena in one aspect of my life-relationships. As with every relationship I’d vent to my girlfriends how much of an a%$# my ex was and how i was better off without them, which ultimately led to Mr Rebound! Yes that one guy who is totally not the one but you just want someone who probably was funnier or smarter or richer than your ex; that breath of fresh air.
I however had an epiphany on what closure is. I never told anyone about it but I thought I’d help my sisters out now that I have it out of the way. I was in a long term relationship and from the beginning I literally fell in love, head first into this dark pit and I was sooo consumed and in sync with it I was naive enough to think it would last forever. Then I hit rock bottom and as I began to realise it may not have been as rosy but we could make it work. And when everything just crumbled my first emotion was panic! How do I move on? How do I love again? Then came rage and revenge. I thought if I could have him back I could hurt him the same way he hurt me. It worked for a while and my inner goddess took control of my mind until one day it hit me that I'm hurting myself. Not him but me. So I packed the lil that was left of me and hit the highway.
Now came the hardest part, how to deal with this? I realised I had so much bottled up inside that needed more than writing or blogging or crying or screaming. I wanted to deal with my feelings. So I approached the Mr and for the first time in our 3 years together let it all out. Not ranting and raving or bringing the house down but opening up and letting the other person know how I felt. And letting them know that i didn't want to feel the way I felt about them. By asking for forgiveness if the other person felt the same way about me....
Ladies if he cheated its not because you ain’t pretty enough, if you lied it was because you wanted to protect him. Don’t carry the guilt around, apologise if you have to. Forgive but do not forget and above all let it go. That to me is closure and i am happy to say that i don’t feel like i wasted 3 years of my life because i gained a lifetime experience......CLOSURE
